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Post by Allan

Lindsay Lohan: I was going out with someone and they said I should read Machiavelli and I was like, 'Nah,' and then I was like, 'Okay, I'll read it,' and now it is always with me.

Can anyone translate that?

Teen girl: Macbeth... That's the one with Hamlet, right?

Student: That man is giving away free juice. Can we have juice?
Teacher: No. Then you'll have to pee during the show, and I'm not disrupting the whole theater to take you to the bathroom.
Student: You're the meanest teacher ever!
Teacher: I'm training to be a mommy. How am I doing?

Oh what a pleasure to be in New York
Tourist in crowd waiting for crosswalk: [Sneezes.]
Suit: Shut the fuck up!

Well maybe not in Russia...

Boris Gryzlov, speaker of Russian Parliament: Parliament is not a place for political discussions.

Ok, here's some, heard in the department of classics:

Friend: tell me about Vergil.
Me: what do you want to know? There's a lot to say...
Friend (proudly): all I know is that he's a famous greek poet!

Friend: what...? Shakespeare wrote his plays in *english*?

Friend (watching a movie about Julius Caesar): what...? Caesar was murdered! AHHH! (she pauses) And why are they all wearing dresses anyway? Was it carnival? Were they all the time wearing dresses?

I sing of arms and men ;)

Extra points if you know for whom the Aeneid was written for ;)


Mom: So, you're gay, right?
Son: No, Mom, I'm not gay.
Mom: Yes, you are. I've seen your clothes.
Son: All the guys wear these.
Mom: All the gay ones, maybe.
Son: Go away.
Mom: If you were straight, you wouldn't have cried so much after you were pushed out of my vagina.
Son: Actually, I think that proves my straightness. No straight guy could look at your female love bits and not cry.

Fashionista: Why are you so late?
Queer in hat: I ran out of money and had to give the cabbie a blowjob to pay the fare.
Fashionista: Oh my god! Really?!
Queer in hat: No. I had a hair emergency... But wasn't that a much better answer?

Ellus fashion show line
São Paulo
Brazil

Friend reading magazine: Look! That guy has a double chin!
Queer: Yeah, that's because he's a fucking rear end that eats souls.

More confessed than overheard