new posts today's posts searchThe only way that James could put on his new skin tight jeans was by jumping into the bath. Lathering himself up with soap and causing the denim to stretch during an estimated 30 minute ordeal James had on the tightest jeans imaginable.
He then proceeded to drink a bottle of vodka with a friend and they both passed out in the sun. Upon drying in the direct sunlight, the denim shrank back to the original size cutting off Jamesâs circulation. The pain caused him to awaken from his alcohol induced coma 3 hours latter. His jeans were now so tight he was unable to walk or crawl towards the phone.
James's cries for help were answered an hour later when an elderly neighbour came to investigate "a weird noise" "It sounded like the high pitch squealing of a bird in distress". The reason Jamesâs cries went unrecognised was because the jeans also restricted around his testicles leaving him unable to call out in anything but a squeal.
An ambulance was called out and paramedics carefully cut of the offending jeans. James was taken to the local hospital for observation. While no permanent damage was done Duty Doctor Hamish Johnston told journalists that "Left for a few more hours the lack of blood to Jamesâs legs could in worst case scenario led to amputation. The pressure placed on his testicles could still have long term implications."
Authorities are pleading with Emo Youth to wear slightly baggier pants and hopes this incident is a warning to all tight jean wearing teenagers.
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