The following are from the Shakespeare of our times Jeremy Clarkson;
Im sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.
the last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany
Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: It couldnt pull a greased
stick out of a pigs bottom
On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: there is a word to describe this car: it begins with s and ends with t and it isnt soot
The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite
The air conditioning in a Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.
Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what BEING STABBED?
This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that thats much to shout about. Thats like saying Ooh good Ive got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.
I dont understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?
Clarksons highway code on cyclists: Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong.
Britains nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafeprobably because they dont have wheel-chair access.
On Mandelas claim that Cuba is a good advert for democracy: Well Mr Mandela why dont you go and ask one of the 12 year old Cuban prostitutes which way her parents voted?
Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we dont feature enough affordable cars on the showso well kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!
On the Lotus Elise: This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.
Sure its quiet, for a diesel. But thats like being well-behaved for a murderer.
I dont often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animals duty to be on my plate at supper time.
There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching on their face.
Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.
You cannot have this car with a diesel. Its like saying, I wont go to Stringfellows tonight, Ill get my mum to give me a lapdance, shes a woman!
Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sportscar in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.
On the Porsche Cayenne: Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.
Im sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch.
the last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with Germany
Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster: It couldnt pull a greased
stick out of a pigs bottom
On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR: there is a word to describe this car: it begins with s and ends with t and it isnt soot
The Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an Ethiopian transvestite
The air conditioning in a Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw.
Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what BEING STABBED?
This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that thats much to shout about. Thats like saying Ooh good Ive got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases.
I dont understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?
Clarksons highway code on cyclists: Trespassers in the motorcars domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong.
Britains nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafeprobably because they dont have wheel-chair access.
On Mandelas claim that Cuba is a good advert for democracy: Well Mr Mandela why dont you go and ask one of the 12 year old Cuban prostitutes which way her parents voted?
Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we dont feature enough affordable cars on the showso well kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them all!
On the Lotus Elise: This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a firework factory.
Sure its quiet, for a diesel. But thats like being well-behaved for a murderer.
I dont often agree with the RSPCA as I believe it is an animals duty to be on my plate at supper time.
There are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of stitching on their face.
Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it if you like, as a librarian with a G-string under her tweed pants. I do, and it helps.
You cannot have this car with a diesel. Its like saying, I wont go to Stringfellows tonight, Ill get my mum to give me a lapdance, shes a woman!
Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sportscar in the same way, I guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.
On the Porsche Cayenne: Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has the sex appeal of a camel with gingivitis.
This is how its done. Compared to us, all the rest are making rags!
Karl Lagerfeld in Valentino:The Last Emperor.
Karl Lagerfeld in Valentino:The Last Emperor.
"Like the wind crying endlessly through the universe, Time carries away the names and the deeds of conquerors and commoners alike.
And all that we are, all that remains, is in the memories of those who cared we came this way for a brief moment." - Harlan Ellison
And all that we are, all that remains, is in the memories of those who cared we came this way for a brief moment." - Harlan Ellison
'Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.' - Victor Borge
'By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.' - Socrates
'Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.'
- Winston Churchill
'By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.' - Socrates
'Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.'
- Winston Churchill
i love oscar wilde whether or not i agree with him:
'Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.'
and the irony of such a statement:
'Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone elses opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. '
and from The Importance of Being Earnest (in reference Ernest, an orphan):
'to lose one parent may be regarded as misfortune. to lose both is plain carelessness!'
= genuis!
'Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.'
and the irony of such a statement:
'Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone elses opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. '
and from The Importance of Being Earnest (in reference Ernest, an orphan):
'to lose one parent may be regarded as misfortune. to lose both is plain carelessness!'
= genuis!
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