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Has anyone ever experienced an almost hypnotic type of love?!
Is it love or just lack of self respect??
I hv been in an on again off again relationship with my, ex (atm), for just over 3 yrs & it has just never seemed to work but we keep going back to each other. After a couple of months of being apart (my decision) he wants us to get back together, he wants to try & make things work, again!
We have had some real high's in our relationship but we have had some real lows, which breaks my heart.
I am a very strong person & in my past I hv never let anyone treat me the way he treated me, which ultimately has become a vicious circle with us...as what he does to me, I do to him (bit like Black Eyed Peas - Don't Lie).
So, I suppose, what I am asking is if anyone has some advise on how I can get what I need (and what I deserve) from this man who has my heart..?
How I can make this work for me & if I should even be considering "how I can make it work for 'us'.."
xxSoHo Babi

that sounds like the situation i was in a few years back. it was an on again off again situation for nearly 2.5 years.

when you're in it it's hard to ask yourself whether this is happening because of familiarity. for me and my ex it certainly was. we'd try time apart and it would fail etc. it really takes one person either in agreement or in a fit of anger to completely cut the other person off (eg. no contact) for at least a month. I found during this time you can then get back to rediscovering who you are as a person what defines you and whether you've been defined by this other person.

in then end one out of the two of you (or hopefully both) can realize whether you should continue or not. you should only continue and try to work things out again at that point if both parties agree to.

all this advice is of course after 2.5 years of trying "everything". at the end of it i wanted to get back together and try to work things out...she didn't. we didn't speak for a few more months and i grew to realize that it was out of habit and fear that i didn't let go.

i hope that gives you a bit of perspective and at least something to think about.

Well...in resolution to my question, I found that my intuition was right on the mark.
I was questioning this for a reason...that reason being that it was simply not worthy of my time!!
But curiousity killed the cat with me & I allowed my ex back into my home & my heart. It didn't take long tho....I noticed holes in the stories he was telling me...and pretty soon I came to realise there were a string of lies behind these stories....a string that was just far too complex for me to handle and basically not worthy of me!
That was the main killer!
Anyway, I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to revisit the situation tho, it only took 2 weeks to see it clearly, now I feel like that heavy bag that was on my shoulders regarding 'us' has been lifted. I can't thank him enough really.
I relate to that song 'Special Ones' by George. 'Those with Integrity have won the match before it's begun!!'
LOL...so there u hv it...I hv just aired my story on the net...he he he..
Thanx for ur advice ghosty :-)
xxSoHo Babi

It doesn't sound like you are in a healthy relationship. A relationship should be built on trust and mutual respect. You shouldn't be playing mind games. It's really hard to make the right choice because emotions are there to confuse and blind us. But I think if you put that aside, you will know what is the right thing to do. You have to get past it, grow, move on. The more time you spend on this relationship, the less time you will have to find someone who can make you truly happy.

This sort of thing occurs when a girl falls for a guy who is 'emotionally unavailable' I suppose it is often the case that women love men who do not treat them with enough respect. That connection you call 'hypnotic love' is not worth it if the guy does not show that he is mature enough to handle a quality relationship.
..Oups was about to give you some advice on what to do if you are determined to take him back but read your later post which says that you have resolved the situation, Good on you.