1. Not So Great Expectations
"I could have done without the blood-stained mattress and the (actual chunk of poop on my bedspread, but I didn't expect the Hilton."

2. Rest in Peace
"I spent the night in the (hotel) room and experienced a friendly spirit. This presence got into bed with me, an old lady, she was nice and I just patted her on the head and we had a comfortable restful sleep. I think I will ask for a different room next time."

3. Mime Over Matter
"The neighborhood is filled with aggressive mimes, including one sitting on a toilet bowl (how creative). Room cards are changed for no reason and you cannot understand why you can't get into your room. All in all it was a very unpleasant stay."

4. Deep Thoughts
"Time could be spent pondering over the meaning of some of the many safety signs around the complex. Out of the several we managed to identify, the two we found to be of greatest use were 1. Not to step on any crocodiles whilst bare foot, and 2. No ugly, or spotty children to frequent the pool."

5. Is That Really What You Meant?
"I echo the sentiments of the previous reviewer. The ambience is lacking to be sure, but the food is like angels copulating on your tongue."

6. Freezing Over
"Sleeping in the street during a blizzard would be better than staying at this hell-hole. The place should be imploded."

7. No Accounting for Taste
"Subject: Crab Trap Restaurant. We enjoyed our experience at the CrapTrap. The food is very good with nice size portions and reasonable prices(especially for the shore). The only down side is the wait."

8. A Sore for Sight Eyes
"Food not special, and the couple that lives there with their dog is very 'homey' and 'folksy' types. Not for everyone. The premises are well kept, but some private parts we could see thru open door were not."

9. Leave It to Beaver
"Imagine awakening at 4:00 am to the sound of loud footsteps in the stairwell, only to realize that someone is drunk and knocking on your hotel door saying, 'Beaver...it's me. Let me in, Beaver.'"

10. The Last Laugh
"In fact, I told the management there that I was putting a review on your website about their poor service and they laughed at me and said go right ahead, nobody reads the TripAdvisor site."